Recognising that degree of self hatred can indeed be terrifying. I know - Where is the place of safety if that monstrousness is in one's head?
That little while before you actually get to uni can be so painful, I know. Once you get there, you'll very likely find many others who feel as insecure and scared. It'll be ok. It might feel uncomfortable and awkward to begin with, but it'll be ok. So many of us here on RYL have been where you are, in our own unique ways. And we got there and we made it through.
You are not despicable. You have feelings of despising myself, but that doesn't make you despicable.
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