Hi,
I could have written this post, my grandfather has Alzheimer's and my grandmother cared for him, despite being an alcoholic. I know it's really difficult to find places that will take them for respite, have you tried looking for day centre's as at least then your grandmother could have some time to herself during the day.
It's not selfish not wanting to see him, I no longer visit him because he isn't himself anymore and I get distressed which in turn distresses him. Although you worry about upsetting him he'll realise that it's in his own best interest and you're only acting to protect them both.
Feel free to PM
xxx
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