See what I've always been told when in contact with services is that people with BPD really struggle to grasp that their actions have consequences. (I don't have BPD and am very good at facing my own consequences!). So it could well be a part of their illness that they struggle to face up to the consequences of their behaviour. However it is key to recovery, if you don't take responsibility you are always going to be helpless and powerless to recover because if you can't make the effort to change your life then no one else is going to do it for you.
It's difficult to tell people that on here because RYL is meant to be purely supportive. But often a lot of people post on here seeking support for when they have been told to face the consequences. For example if they have been told that their therapy is going to end because they aren't engaging with it properly. And far too often people say "oh hun, that's completely unfair *hugs for you*, write a complaint or ask for another therapist" type thing. When really it should be more "well to be honest if you want therapy you have to work at it, it's a use it or lose it situation." But then that isn't phrased very sympathetically so obviously people react negatively to be told that. I think the reality is that people still need to do the "softly,softly, e-hugs and sympathy" approach but combined with the "actions have consequences information. If that at all makes sense.
Basically it's easy to sound like a bitch when someone is being irresponsible and not facing consequences. But being a bitch isn't constructive, it's a hard balance to get right.
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