[fadesthesun]

i don't feel suicidal nor do i feel like harming myself.
i just keep feeling really panicky. then i feel deflated and now i feel flat and miserable. i want to cry but i cant.
but i feel hopeful and there's all these things i have to do but i'm not sure what they are or when to do them or what order to do them in.
i'm always hungry and i eat all the time because there's nothing else to do. i cant concentrate on anything else and its the only thing that makes me feel satisfied. i've put on so much weight.
i'm so irritable.
i worked hard today, but i've barely written anything in weeks, and nothing i have written is of a reasonable standard, but i'm full of all these ideas and lines and poetry but i either cant express them or i cant be bothered to write them down. i feel empty but i've got things in my life and i like these things.
i don't know what i want to do.
i've been like this for weeks.