[finding.my.wings]

im so sorry- i hate that ive got to this point......but please i dont know what to do........ive tried so hard and now everythings just crumbling around me. ive cried so much these last few days and im not a cryer.

nothing speific has actually happened this time, but its just all these little things that keep telling me im not worth anything, that life isnt for me so i should jsut stop it (life) now.

im really struggling with university work- my highest grade this semester has ben a 'B' and last semester i was getting 'A+' the work isnt any harder its just that i no longer see a point in doing it- not when ill never get to the end of te degree.

i jsut keep getting upset/angry wih friends who point out that im 'thinner' and then ask if im eating and how much im eating. its annoying and sometiems (well a lot of the time) i really hate them fo it. i know that i dont eat so well, but i will soon- juts once i reach the right number. then i know ill be okay- eveything will be better.

im slowly losing contact/touch with my siblings- ive pretty much given up on parents and now ive jsut heard that my sisters cargiver offered an ultimatium to one sister- which my sis took- and im pleased, just not haapy bout the methods uesd. the carigiver has gone furhter to say that once jas turn 17 years old, she will give my younger sister back to Child Youth and Family services to be placed in another home cos the caregiver wants to move out of where she is and head north- the only thing thats stoping her currently are my sisters- who cannot leave south cos they are under southland CYFS. im really worried cos it may mean that my little sister will be moved and placed wherever somene has space for her and not many cargivers actually want a 12 year old girl.