[Country Girl]

You feel like the world is sitting on your chest.
It gets hard to breath, your breaths are shorter and shallower everytime you inhale.
You can't stay still.
You're in constant motion.
You got to bed, maybe you can relax.
You toss and turn.
You pull all the covers over your head trying to hid from it, but it always finds you.
You hug a pillow as tight as you can trying to force it away.
You curl up in a ball against the wall trying to keep it out.
Maybe if you hold your breath long enough it will disappear or at least maybe you will black out and the urge with you, but it never works.
Your curl your toes, you make fists.
You beat the pillows and kick the mattress.
You can't beat it away.
When it hits you, it hits you like a ton of bricks and it wraps itself around.
Takes control of you, it holds on tight and doesn't let go.
It beats you down until you give in.
Sometimes falling asleep frim exhaustian because you tried so hard, but then it comes to you in your dreams.
Then when you wake up it has a stronger grip on you than before.
You try to trick it.
You punch your leg until you are sure you'll bruise.
You snap rubber bands up and down your arm until you are numb.
You draw on your arm until it's black with ink.
But othing ever comes close, it can't be fooled.
Dragging that blade across your skin is the only way to get it to be quiet so you do.
The monster disappears...for now.
Until tomorrow, and you wonder is it really worth the fight, the exhaustian, the sleepless nights, feeling llike something is under your skin crawling?
Is it worth it?
You know you'll give in, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will catch up to you and you'll give in because you are too tired to fight anymore.