[Country Girl]

So up until a couple weeks ago I had only cut once since January...then I don't know what happened...things have been going down hill....

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I've been cutting on my wrist...not really wanting to die, but cutting deeper and deeper everytime and wondering if it's going to be it.

The one person who has helped me so much is so worried... he was worried enough he even asked to see my cuts....i was so scared and scared enough I didn't show them all to him, just the ones on the top side of my wrist....i want to cut so bad!!!

I don't know why I just do. I feel so horrible that I am making him so worried, he is even considering calling uni and telling them (he is faculty) because he is so worried. I didn't cut last night but I don't think i can make it through another night....it's horrible. The only thing he can relate it to is chewing tobacco. i used to smoke though and i know those cravings, but it seems the cravings i have to cut are a 100 times worse than those. Is this just me? i don't think he really understands how hard it is to not cut and how bad I want it!!!!!

I bought blades today....i wasn't going to...I told my self i wasn't and I avoided the shaving aisle because i knew I would...but then i saw some in a totally unexpected aisle....and i gave in.....f*** what am i doing??????????????