I think this is where self harm crosses over into being an addiction. Because of the physical side affects, and the deepness of the behavioural patterns, it is a very difficult habit to fully break. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to self harm from time to time, it's how you deal with it that matters. Don't beat yourself up because you want to cut, that's ok. As I said, it's how you deal with it that counts.
I haven't been self harming since January and I remember (and still do from time to time) feeling a massive loss of identity. I'd been "Lucy the self harmer" for so long and was sort of afraid of just being "Lucy" as I didn't know what was left. But at the same time, that is SO exciting. The idea that I kinda have a blank canvas now is brilliant; how many people do you know that get that chance?
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