This is a great thread and I feel compelled to apply my story.
Long before I was involved in an abusive relationship I had become engaged in my community as a victim advocate and also had done a lot of research on victims of sexual violence as well as victims of domestic/partner violence. So to think that I myself would fall victim was astonishing to me.
I became involved with a guy a couple years younger than me. He had all the classic traits of an abuser: had been physically and sexually abused as a child, had a very controlling and competitive manner, hated homosexuality with a passion. He was extremely and unnecessarily jealous of every single man I could possibly have ever met. But he had many extemely charming traits to him and fooled everyone.
It started with arguments, in which he would always tell me that I always made him feel stupid. He had explosive anger problems, and he would break out in shaking rages where he would lose all control. After awhile even slight disagreements would trigger this in him. I've always been very cool, calm, and logical in any disagreement, and he disliked this immensely because he wanted me to lose control too, I think. Anyway, he started to physically restrain me during disagreements. He would hold me down on the bed, or the ground, or against the wall. He wouldn't let me move. After awhile he would grab my head. Then one time he kicked me. Another time he pushed me across the basement room and I went flying into a pole, then he proceeded to punch a table several times while screaming. A couple of times he wrapped his hands around my throat, pushing me against the wall or the refridgerator and squeezing until I was choking and crying. Then one night he punched me in the stomach and I couldn't breathe at all and started crying. I would tell him that it wasn't ok, he couldn't touch me like that it was wrong...but he never seemed to think he'd done anything wrong. It never registered in his mind when I would tell him. He would admit that verbally things he had said were wrong and he was sorry, but when I mentioned him physically hurting me he didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. Towards the end we were at my parents house, house-sitting, and over something really simple he grabbed my head and shook it. When I screamed he pushed my face into the bed, then put a pillow over my head suffocating me. I thought I was going to die. A week later we got in an argument because I wanted to join a volunteer organization being a victim advocate for victims of sexual assault and he was so against it and we were walking outside and he told me he wanted to push me into oncoming traffic. that night he punched a hole in the wall next to my head and told me if I left he would come after me and beat my face. I was scared, but the next day I left and I haven't seen him since. I haven't seen him for 4 months. I stayed with my parents and got away from that monster before it became any worse...which I know it would have!
I'm one of the lucky, brave ones who left before it got any worse. It was definitely traumatic enough. I never thought it could happen to me, but its so common and its so hard to break away from someone you love...
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