Life is so overwhelming, I can't cope with it. I can't even tell anyone how much I am struggling because I will get upset and twitch even more. I can't tell them about my twitching because I will twitch even more and they will notice even more.
I'm getting myself worked up about (imaginary) problems that my brother has. He failed his driving test today but he has just got a car. I'm worried about how he will get the car out of the drive because the man who brought it round has parked it strangely, i'm worried that he might not be able to move the driver's seat forward so won't be able to reach the pedals, i'm worried that I will then have to help him to get someone at the garage to fix it, i'm worried that he will put too much or too little engine coolant in the car because the thing that it goes in is so dirty that you can't see how much liquid is in it, i'm worried that he will be anxious about driving and we will be stranded somewhere because he doesn't want to drive home, i'm worried that at some point I will have to drive the car.
I am worried that life is as overwhelming for him as it is for me.
Driving is overwhelming, people are overwhelming, work is overwhelming, home is overwhelming, free time is overwhelming, time in general is overwhelming, eating, waking up, not having perfect health, the future, the past the present, it's all too much for me.
It's all too much for my Dad too, he is old, he doesn't know how to cope with things. He is not a good role model for us. I can't ever have children because I will not be a good role model. I don't think that I will ever be able to cope with life, the only time I get a break is when I sleep. I have to die. It is the only solution but I need help to do it.
|