oh sweetie, I too know how it feels to 'try' and make yourself happy and put on a brave face, but its so hard and ehausting that it has to come to an end at some point, and seeing what you've been through, its no wonder that you're really struggling at the moment.
Some people are blessed with loving supportive families, others unfortunately are not. As you don't have the support of your family, your inner circle of people who you can go to and feel safe with has been dramatically reduced and so I can understand that you are going to feel abandoned and alone, anyone would in your situation.
I can only imagine how you've had to try and live and develop as a person after sufferring at the hands of your dads abuse, and you should be so proud of yourself for coming this far. it must impact all relationships that you have, including just basic friendship, again narrowing your inner cirlce of support. So for you to have been shut out by the two people who you hold dear, no wonder its having devestating effects on you.
Unfortunatley different people go through different things at stages of thier lives and we all react and cope with them in our own ways. As you say, one friend has much going on and doesn't make time for you even when things aren't too bad for you. Perhaps things have gotten worse for her recently and she just needs to focus on herself right now. As for the woman who was like a mother to you, its awful that she openly avoids you and can give you no explanation or reason for her behaviour, but again, perhaps something profound has occurred in her life to make her act this way at this moment in time. Unfortunately its just shitty timing that both of the people who you would turn too need to shut away to focus on themselves at this moment.
But thats what you need to focus on, that it is at this moment that you feel abandoned, it won't always be like this. We here on RYL won't abandon you, and whilst you need to break down and throw away the 'happy mask', do it here, in safety, where people who have been through similar situations can help you with words of commfort and support. Don't give up Millie. *huggles*
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