I'm sorry you've been feeling so unstable lately. About your paper, it might be better for you to write about something completely different. While I think writing about SI would be a very interesting and valid topic, and you'd have some great things to say about it, I also think that you would need to be in a better place mentally to be able to write it safely. Your well-being is much more important than a paper. There's a difference between something being hard to do and something that will trigger you to the point where you're unsafe. Colleges typically look at your writing ability and also try to get a sense of who you are when they're looking at essays and such. There's so much more to you than just cutting, or even mental health issues. Maybe you could find something else that's important to you, and write on that. For example, if you're an animal lover, you could argue for or against euthanasia, trap/sterilize/release programs, or something like that.
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