Hey honey.
If you re-read your post, from an objective point of view, notice what you wrote. "when i was feeling **** ... happier then." Where you really happier then? What is it about being 'back there' that you want, is it the pain, scars, attention, concern, comfort, care? Those are just some of the things I used to crave when I first started giving up self harm.
When you figure out what you are wanting to get from the self harm, you can then figure out another way to get that same feeling. Especially if you were cutting really badly, that can be very dangerous and damaging for you and I really suggest you try and avoid the urges and substitute it with something else. Have a look at
this link, it might be of some help to you.
Keep talking - we can work through this. xxx