Hun you need to be strong and tell someone about this. Even if you don't think your plans are going to work it sounds like youre not doing well and need some help to keep you safe. (Random as well but I'm actually blind and you don't want that, blind and psychosis is not good) Can you call your cpn? If your boyfriend doesn't want you to do anything in his house could you try staying there?
Hugs, please take care of yourself
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