Thank you. I burst into tears when I read that message. Thank you for caring enough to think I'm worth more than more scars, more guilt, more shame. I didn't know how much I needed to hear that.
I just feel so incredibly worthless. I don't feel I'm worth any more than scars on my body. They are the ONLY way I can feel alive and stay alive in a world that just keeps knocking me down. It's like there's this huge burning pain inside me that just keeps boiling over. Makes me feel completely disgusting and I hate myself so much.
Work is really hard, I just don't know where to begin but my boss takes every opportunity to make me the office joke because I'm not like the rest of them. I go to church and I'm a classicial musician which they delight in telling me makes me a freak.
This job is killing me but I don't have any choice, I can't leave because the kids need me.
I just want to rip everything bad out of me but then I'm scared I could never get deep enough down because I don't know where I begin and the hurt ends at the moment.
Sorry, I'm not explaining very well am I? Talking is really hard for me. I come from a family where talking is banned. You have to be perfect,no one can know how you feel. There's nothing I can't hide with a smile, I self harmed for 8 years and no one found out. But I knew. I knew I could feel and I had no other way of coping when it happened.
I'm sorry, I even find talking about talking hard!
I shouldn't waste people's time.
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