[The Hierophant]

*sigh*

ok, basically, i need help, somehow, anything you can offer will be greatly appreciated. (i've struggled with this now, for about a year on&off, it's wearing thin).

i am petrified of cleaning fluid & other such related articles, which sounds quite silly, but it's eating away at me. i'll do the washing up with fairy & then immediately after, i have to wash my hands again, incase they've got dirty & incase i get ill from the washing up liquid. i cannot do my own washing currently, i am petrified of liquitabs, or the powder & even the fabric softner stuff, i have to wash my hands several times after wards if i have to do the washing, & even then, i refuse to eat or drink or put my hands anywhere near my mouth for hours & sometimes days after.

at work (i work in a pub &nightclub) i have to wash my hands every five minutes it seems, i wipe the tables with anitbacterial spray & then after i have to wash my hands twice or so, incase i injest the spray & it harms me. if i drip beer on me, i have to wash my hands after. i don't like touching food at all that i have to eat, just incase there is a small reminant of any cleaning fluid i've used that i could injest. same goes for making rolls ups, i have to wash my hands several times before roling a cig, just incase.
(this also goes for breathing in fumes, i have to have as many doors/windows/vents going as possible when using things with fumes & i'm not talking high toxic cleaning liquids either, MR. Muscle you scare me).

i also study art at uni, & i've had to stop painting because of this, i cannot got any form of paint on me & i have to wash it off, incase it is somehow toxic & leaks into my skin, poisoning me. same goes for anything else i may have to use, terpentine, white spirit, inks, etc.

it's getting terrible, of course those of you that know the running of pubs & nightclubs, by law we need rat poison around because of the cellars, some was spilt on the floor & i had to tread over it, i accidently in a rush trod in it, my boyfriend had to take my shoes off for me & i haven't touched that pair since. & really want to throw them away, the boy logically explained i walked home in the rain & happily stomped through puddles, the rat poison would have washed off, my shoes are still staying downstairs & the boy wasn't allowed to touch me untill i'd watched him wash his hands. several times.

& i'm showering twice/three times a day, for upto half hour at a time.
the skin on my hands especially is so sore & red & itchy, it's driving me up the wall.

right now, i see the funny side of things, this is stupid, for me at least but i've got myself stuck in it & i cannot get out for some reason. but i know later, when it comes to getting my hands near my mouth, i will be washing them.