Hey, thanks for the welcome!
And no, I've never been diagnosed properly. I started a therapy about half a year ago for this and for SI, but I broke it off after a few sessions because it felt like it made it worse.
I've been reading up on the internet (obviously), but it's getting out of control and I just really need to speak to somebody, because I can't do this on my (/our??? Who am I or who is she to decide what I really am or what we really are??) own.
I just don't know how to say that. I'm scared I'll be judged or locked away, as even my boyfriend who was always very understanding and patient has reacted so strongly.
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