It's natural for people who have suffered from depression to feel very uneasy with getting better. When you are so used to a dark cloud over your life it can be very disconcerting when that cloud lifts because you're not sure how to react to life without depression.
It's also natural with depression that when people aren't asking if you're ok or worrying about you, you feel you don't matter. You become accustomed to believing that when people worry they care and love for you and find it discouraging when that constant support seems to dwindle away.
It's very difficult to learn to live with life without depression when it is something you have lived with for a very long time. But things will get better. It's a matter of learning how to connect and find your meaning in life without depression. It's very easy to believe that your problems define you and who are you without them, especially if you have suffered for a long time.
I'm sorry I don't have much advice but I wanted to comment and let you know I understand and things WILL get better. You've done amazingly so far and it's very positive that you're working so hard on getting better. Remember to let people know when you're not ok so they can support you when you need it. Just because you haven't SI'd and DO have hope doesn't mean you don't need and can't ask for some support to help you along.
Take care and stay strong, you should be very proud of yourself for how well you're doing!
Xxx
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