[Theara]

I've decided to throw all this in one thread, it might not be updated regulary, it might not make sense and I'm probably just talking to myself, but all these things I've never spoken about need to go somewhere, maybe that way they'll start making sense.

It's mostly a history of mental abuse with a bit of violence and maybe later on mild triggers for sexual abuse but by that time I was numbed and hardened so far that it didn't have a huge impact.
Only read this if you can handle that, I don't want anyone to feel bad because I feel bad. That"d just be double the trouble.

ok first posting, don't mock me please, I wrote this in the movie theatre yesterday during/after a very triggering scene...



OMG I remember how my mind used to block when my mother beat me and kept threathening me, trying to make me do things... How I couldn't do them just because she was so rude and agressive... Like I was physically incapable of doing anything she told me to during one of those episodes of hers.

Anyone who knows me would tell you, usually you don't have to even do as much as mention a problem and I'll be trying to fix it... But be rude or disrespectfull and you won't get a thing done, not even because I'll be angry or stubborn, just because I block totally, I couldn't if I wanted to, you can hit me, kick me, even threathen to kill me... I just can't.