Dr.Dell'erba,
I'm sorry to bother you again. I'm in a bit of a state and not really with it.
I'm very suicidal - i've not been this bad in quite a long time, i've spent the day writing a letter out to my parents which is signed and sealed, i have written down all my funeral plans (right down to what songs i want). My bag is currently packed with alcohol, an insane amount of medication and i have drugs of the illegal sort.
I've showered, i've got my clothes layed out, and i'm so close to going. My parents know something is up which has left me at a loss of what to do because i can't leave the house unnoticed unless it's in the morning when they leave for work at 5.15am.
I know i will end up attempting to take my life, and i will take it this week, but i'm actually, for the first time, rather scared.
I'm not seeing Gemma until Wednesday and sometimes when i try to contact her she is out of the office or seeing someone, and when i'm in desperate need of speaking to her i find it incredibly hard when i've got no support. Dr.Newson is on holiday all week. I don't exactly know what i'm meant to do.
I don't even know why i'm sending this. I've been completely wrecked all weekend on drugs and alcohol in the hope to forget these intense emotions but they won't pass and are becoming unbearable.
I'd really appreciate it if we could meet as soon as you're available although i honestly don't think i will last more than another day at the most.
My parents don't know how unsafe i am and i don't wish to concern them right now. The crisis team is a no no as i have had lots of problems with them in the past and personally feel they make me worse.
I'm sorry for this being all over the place, please understand i'm in no right mind to re-read or think straight at the moment.
I'm just asking for help for the first time in my life because i'm stuck and scared.
Laura
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