Thankyou! :)
Phew, I was worried about seeing a lot of different people because I have soo much to talk about (not that I want to, but I guess I'm gonna have to!)
I am so filled with dread at the thought though and for some reason since yesterday I feel as though I just want to avoid all professional help and that I don't want it anywhere near me. When I think back to yesterday, the physciatrist only understood so much. What he didn't understand is how frightened I am of life and the world, so near the end of the session when he said to try and be more positive and involve myself in social situations, I turned to him and said 'but I'm so so scared' ...to which he replied 'but you're not anymore, this is the first day of the rest of your life.'
And it's just kind of.. a bit painful because I have a feeling I'm going to find it really difficult getting someone to understand me. I come across so different on the outside than what I actually feel. I naturally sort of 'fake' and I can't help that. I just get embarrased about showing just how bad I really feel. So now I'm really worried and panicking that nobody is going to understand just how bad it gets for me, or how truely frightened I am. It's so easy for someone to tell me to get a job... but I'm too frightened to even apply now.. :(
Eeek, sorry for the slight ramble.
xxx
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