*hugs*
you sound like me. There are ways that you can improve and stop feeling like this even if you have seen a lot of people that haven't helped. The trick is finding the right sort of help for you, easier said than done but it is possible. I'm anti drugs as well but ended up going on something for a few months which helped up to a point and then i stopped taking it. But it did do something. But if you are still adamant that you don't want to take anything, I totally respect that.
Are you on any waiting lists or anything? Are u under CMHT? Even finding a professional at any level that you feel is supportive could help emotionally - building up trust and stuff. I suggest reading up on talking therapies and trying to look at what you've already had and why it hasn't worked. Be as objective as possible.
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