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Family influence.
The next few days were haze of shock and exhaustion. I could barely raise my head from my pillow, let alone engage or interact with anybody else. Only Alice and Em could pull a response from me, and even then it was cursory monosyllabic responses. As the week went on I gradually began to unfreeze, though only enough to get out of bed and go through the motions. I was weighed and found to be a much lower weight than when I came in, which brought me the first surge of pleasure I had had in days. It also gave me a sense of purpose. To lose even more weight.
Shortly after this my parents visited, bringing my dog with them, who being small (though nursing the delusion that she was a Rottweiler in disguise), the nurses turned a blind eye to coming into the unit. As we cuddled and played and became used to each other again I felt my heart swell and warm with love for her, life creeping back into my bones. I also cuddled my mum and had a long chat with her, making me homesick for her company. I persuaded her to come and take me out later that week, before my next weekend leave.
The day arrived when mum was due to take me out and I was beside myself; this was an opportunity to escape the claustrophobic life of the unit, and for one afternoon at least, pretend I was normal. Mum and I had a whale of a time, surfing the sales, sipping tea in Starbucks, forgetting for a while the situation at hand. I returned home to the unit, bags brimming with bargains and a smile fixed to my face as though with glue.
Y.S asked to have a look in my bags, and I eyed her suspiciously, silently begging her not to ruin my day by checking for sharps in my bags. Y.S grinned at me and reassured “I’m not looking for anything, and feel free to say no, I’m just a shopaholic!” Relaxing slightly I showed Y.S my various purchases while she made appropriate noises and compliments throughout, leaving me feeling a rare surge of confidence. “Your mum sure loves you, buying you all of this!” she exclaimed at the end of, it and I nodded, still smiling. “Yeah, yeah she really does.”
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