Yeah I get that a lot, but it's often to do with my psychosis, which is to do with my schizoprenia, but it's also a manifestation of my OCD... I don't know lol. Anyway the Voices tell me to smack someone's head or break things or steal things or hurt people.
Normally I can compromise with Them and I hurt myself instead of hurting someone else. Cos I feel worthless and that I'm the only one who deserves to suffer. I'm very scared that the day will come soon when I have to hurt some random person and I'll get in serious trouble. The other night I had to do a load of vandalism (too ashamed to say what
).
Anyway I'm ranting... I can completely relate, I'm not sure if it's to do with OCD, I guess if you feel something terrible will happen without doing it, or if you can't get on with what you're doing, then it probably is. That's good that your friend understands you so well
Probably should mention that to your social worker or psych. They won't judge, promise. I saw my CPN the other day and he asked if I wanted to harm him, and I told him that She was telling me to strangle him and I wanted to but I wasn't going to. And he wasn't surprised and shocked or scared, he just understood. Very relieving.
xxx