Towards the end of my session with my counsellor... it became evident to her that I had no energy, motivation or concentration... this came up as I was talking to her about wanting to change jobs (I currently work in a bakery and have done so for the past 5 years) but not being able to do anything about it as I had no energy or motivation at all.
She asked me what kind of thing all my energy went into and I had to laugh at this because I dont do anything anymore.. I've been going to bed extra early, struggle to get out of bed in the morning, usually spend the day reading or watching tv, cannot concentrate on doing any of my uni work, and well, my head is just always so full of crap that the day passes by so fast and before I know it I'm in bed again and have achieved nothing once more.
She then said that this waved reg flags in her head and it sounded like depression and it would be good if we could discuss it in detail at some point... this really threw me off balance cause here I was thinking I was doing better and well in actual fact I'm not cause even though I may not be cutting or o/d or that... I still cant do anything but show up to my shifts at work which I have only been doing cause I feel I have too...
Just feeling really lost because no one has picked up on this until now... 7 weeks into uni and no one has listened when I said I was falling behind and struggling.. it almost feels as though because I'm not cutting and that... then they see me as being fine, like I'm doing perfectly well...
I dont know its just doing my head in and I'm not sure why I'm even still fighting when its becoming quite clear I will never be able to be just ok
Lozza