Hey Gemma .... I understand your concerns about hospitalisation.
For the longest time I was having so much trouble, but pretending to everyone that I was doing okay when I wasnt ... I was also afraid of going into a psych hospital, but I desperately wanted not to have to look after myself anymore - it was all too much ... the stress ... the responsibiitiy ... but I was also afraid of hospitalisation, even though I worked in a psych hospital and I kinda knew what it would be like.
Well. .... in the end I got forced (regulated) into a psych hospital against my will. It wasnt as bad as I thought it was, but I wish I had gone into hospital of my own free will rather than the way it did happen. Becuse of my regulation, I ended up losing my job, my flat, and alot of my self respect.
Maybe hospital is at the extreme end of what you need right now. Is there any way you could get a rest from all of your responsibilities and stress without going as far as being hospitalised? Are your friends and family supportive of you? Could they help to give you a bit of a break do you think? From the way you describe your friends, I dont think they'd reject you if they found out about how you are really feeling - people can cope with alot more than others often think, and you'd be surprised just how many people out there who are doing it tough and are struggling with some demons or other.
I'd urge you to talk to your new doctor about how you are feeling. It may help to have another person make the choices with respects to this decision about going into hospital or not, and it sounds like you are a bit too stressed and confused about alot of stuff to really know waht the best choice would be.
Good luck with it ... and keep talking to us here - you've got friends here hun.
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