Hey Matt,
Change is scary and when it's on such a humongous scale as you describe it is going to feel terrifying.
I know sometimes I feel so scared about failing things and being a failure that I won't attempt them or I will let myself fail because the part of me that got me into the dark hole of all of this want's to carry on down there as it's safe.
Maybe you could plan to do something fun in a day or so's time and each time build it up little by little so that you always have something to look forward to and to aim for.
You have so much inner strength by fighting and not ending it and that is a great thing
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