Thanx for the kind replies and advice about writting it down. I am only new here so not use to getting feedback but seriously has meant so much.
Saw psych today and feel like I have been torn to sheds having had to talk about stuff that I would much rather be running from. But his response was much gentler then I expected and he kept asking me questions that kinda helped me respond...and when I couldn't, well he could gauge answers based upon emotional response, which I didnt realise he was doing until he asked and answered sereval questions correctly.
Scares me thinking now maybe others know more about me then I have ever said...so desire to isolate even more intense. Left in not great space but avoided hospital with agreeing to allow Pastoral Care to check in with me over the coming days. Feel intense shame that so many people now worried about me and having to spend time with me, but biggest fear is still that it will all be for nothing...scared that I am not strong enough to face the darkness within and the things that created it in the first place.
Thanx for listening.
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