Thanks for your responses everyone :) xx.
I'm not sure exactly, if I feel I deserve it. I mean, when i was in the relationship I deserved it, but now I'm out and with someone new. I guess sometimes I feel I've done certain things in the relationship to deserve it, but I think it's also a really comforting kind of thing? Even though it's abuse it comforts me and makes me feel more secure knowing that someone else has a certain level of control over me in that kind of way. I don't know, is that weird? :/ But, it wouldn't work with just anyone having control over me, like a best friend, it'd have to be a boyfriend...
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