It's actually a little worse than that in my view (but fixable still) - in that you can bond to the wrong parts - which is worse than not bonding at all. Mothers of course have a nature and make-up than is meant for physical and emotional bonding. Its normal to be bonded with them for awhile. But at some point we need to start to grow our own roots. This can be made harder under some conditions
As a guy you at some point had to bond with your father. Fathers that are either weak or mean make that hard. In the case of weakness there is nothing to identify with. If dad is quiet and sits in the corner and lets mother take care of him like one of the kids its like he is a zero. If he is too mean he can drive kids back to mother - who they cling too for support. Each way a kid can be stuck grounded in mother.
To make things harder, a mother with a husband who is weak often has a lot of built up anger toward him - which she will often take out on the kids - especially a boy (who is like smaller version of husband and an easier target).
Now emotionally there is a law of correspondences - you become like who you react to. If your mother is angry and upset all the time and provoking you - you can absorb the same kind of anger by reacting to her. In a sense your taking on her identity. If she is always super sweet and you take a lot of comfort in her support then you can get her identity that way as well. The anger and spoiling kind of love can each keep a person from growing from their own roots
From what you wrote, your Dad didn't have his own identity down and was erased in ways. He probably had some of his mother identity in him and that would be a reason he would be drawn to acting out a feminine nature. He would also be drawn to a woman like your Mother who would dominate and aggravate him (or spoil him) as no doubt happened to him growing up. When people get a false implanted identity it can seek to complete itself like a salmon that returns to a spawning ground.
Now your predicament would be that you had two people that weren't centered in themselves. So not only would you not have been bonded with these people in a healthy way - you have been forced to react and bond with the dysfunctional identities in both your parents. Your actually lucky you survived as much as you have under these circumstances. Your very aware in ways that are unusual in someone that had to go through what you have. This would mean you could reclaim parts of you missing once you knew how to separate the false from the actual (reducing the anger is key to that because its the glue that holds the problems together). I'll write about that tomorrow since its late now and I dont want to overdo.
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