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Old 27-02-2009, 03:54 AM   #583
riley.
 
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Join Date: Feb 2005

Ash- hoping things settle for you soon

Lyssie- sorry you're having a tough time just now, hoping you find some level ground and clarity soon to release your anxiety a bit

Chelsea- try not to worry too much. I think sometimes perhaps because i have been aware of things within me for a long period of time that i am, perhaps , more resigned to missing out on some things.... its hard to accept, and scary to experience. Do you have any internal communication at all or are you completely co-separate? If you're able to communicate- despite it not being comfortable a lot of the time, its normally helpful, whether this be an internal or external process- even if you are co concious you might not be comfortable with internal communication. Try to go with your gut feelings as to how things sit with you and others....i've found the key to communication is sticking with gut feeling on how everyone is reacting if there is no 'actual' communication.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : shame


feeling/being made to feel stupid. i don't think its deliberate and its not about me, i mean- being made to feel stupid in the sense that someone else is projecting their feelings onto me.

admittedly right now things are... well dates.times.places.colours.sounds.shapes.noises.
its all a bit much

looking over my shoulder again, suspicion. its starting to really effect my functionality. normally i can brush things off to some degree... but things are too strong. its the right year . its the right time. i know my 'paranoia' isn't as irrational as it might first appear. granted it seems to be being channelled in the wrong direction, but i think thats escapism from the real issue. its easier not to admit that there is Real reason to be terrified. if one can make things ...'trivial' for want of a better word... perhaps thats easier? its not. it just makes things seem pathetic, because appearances suggest there is so much disdain over things that aren't really issues at all...
the reality is just far too big to ...expose.


im so ashamed. it has to be completely secret.
don't want to be harming. genuinely concerned that its going to happen. bad again.
always when i hold off, seems to be taken as punishment, its not, just dont want the body harmed any more. too much hurt already
no arms- at all.
nope. has to be hidden. has to be kept away...totally secret.


people can't see. even if wanted they Can't. they don't know how.

have to hide.



things have always been secret. so many secrets. so many things that can't be told. why change




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