Originally Posted by
Jessiwuzzle Lives
If you know someone you can talk to them differently. But if you're seeing someone you don't talk to much and you say
"You need to stop whining and get off your bum and actually do something, you're never going to get over this if you don't"
They're going to think they don't deserve to ask for help becasue people think they're just whining! There's honest and polite and then there's honest and rude. And if you don't know someone that can be considered rude.
That example isn't rude, in the slightest. Which part do you think is rude? And why? If I had said "****sake, you need to stop moaning and get off your lazy ****ing arse. If you don't, you're going to carry on just being as pathetically self pitying as you are now, ugh." Well that would be honest and rude :|
What is it exactly about "
You need to stop whining and get off your bum and actually do something, you're never going to get over this if you don't" that would cause someone to feel like they don't deserve to ask for help? You sound as if you're making stuff up, I really don't understand how that could possibly cause someone to feel that badly.
And this is the internet, no one really knows anyone on here (Except those who have made good friends, met offline loads and stuff)
Originally Posted by Jess
"If you're still feeling like this, it's time to reach out to someone who can help you in real life. We're here to support you but you really need to make that next step otherwise you're going to be stuck in this..."
Cotton wool everywhere.
Originally Posted by Jess
It's not that hard to be soft and pushy at the same time and when so many people on here are fragile that soft approach is important unless you know them well enough to shove the soft to the side.
Clearly that's where our views differ because I think msot people on here just need a kick up the bum.
Originally Posted by Jess
In the end you can be seen as a total bitch even when you're just "being honest". I have seen and worked with a lot of professionals and none of them have ever told a client to stop whining and get off their bum and do something about it. How is that being helpful? Would get translated to: You have no problems. All your doing is whinging. Get over it.
I know You can be seen as a total bitch, but I think a kick up the bum is what people can benefit from. No one is a professional here, it's just a website and ofcourse we all know that every preofessional does their job perfectly and everyone leaves happy 100% of the time. No one ever complains or changes therapist, y'know?
At the opposite end it could also be translated to: I keep wallowing, that's what bringing me down, I should listen, ultimately only I can help myself.
Didn't mean to pick your post appart, it was justt he easiest way to reply :/
Originally Posted by
~Aidey~
It's all about perspective though. What one person make see as bullying/abusive behavior another person may not see that way. To call somebody's opinion unreasonable because you took it personally isn't really fair either. She may not have been talking about you at all.
It is about perspective, I know that. He may not have been talking about me, but I wans't exclusively talking about me, about anyone who dares to speak their mind. So I wasn't calling it unreasonable because it was personal, I was calling it unreasonable because I thought it was unreasonable, you see how that works? (Oh my, I was just slightly rude, do shoot me)(And now sarcastic, I deserve to die)
I don't think I've ever truly seen bullying behaviour out in the open here at RYL, which is why I thought the comment made no sense.
With this there are people who are too sensitive to comments, but there is still flat out rudeness, I recognise that. I'm not saying that all comments deemed as 'rude' are just being honest, I know that's not the case.
Originally Posted by
Bob--Attorney-At-Law
EXACTLY.
Also, someone said that sometimes being blunt helps. Well maybe that works for you, but surely you understand that for some people, especially fragile, vulnerable people (ie. the majority of people on RYL), thats only going to make them feel worse? A lot of people don't want to just be told to stop whining, especially if they're looking for advice regarding a personal problem or dilemma, or if they're having desperate urges to cut and they want to be distracted. If that was you, would you want someone telling you to shut up and deal with it?
And if you don't want to have to watch what you say, then don't say anything.
Well yes being blunt works for me, but I'm also a fragile and vulnerable person, so it doesn't always make people feel worse, on account of many people I've talked to responding well to my being blunt.
Just for the record, also, if someone is looking for advice and I can help them with it, ofcourse I will help them, I'm nto going to tell them to shutup and deal on their own, that would deifnitely be rude. It is when I see someone seemingly needing advice for something just so ridiculous and pathetic that it drives me mental I would be mroe blunt. I'll always be honest with someone, and I'll always say it as it is. And if I'mt alking with someone and they just want to moan (There is a LOT of that here) then ofcourse I'm not going to just there and waste my time when they're not even listening to me so I'll say "If you actually want anyhting to change, you need to stop moaning and do something about it" It's sound advice and certain people need it.
If someone wants advice, I'll give it to them, if someone just wants to moan and not take any attention of what I'l saying to them, why should you bother wrapping them in cotton wool when they won't even care?
I'm not saying that everyon should just shutup and deal with their problems, and if you think that then you read my posts wrong.