I don't know if I can actually give any advice either but I do want you to know that I read this and it has made me think. I know it is easy for me to make suggestions and honestly I should take my own advice, but have you been able to think of this as a time where you start to work really hard on getting what you do want? I know you can't snap your fingers and have a perfect life, but can you think of things that you can do to get yourself heading in the direction you would like to go?
I hope you are able to get the support you need so you will be able to work in the future. If you're unsure about teaching try to think about other things you would like to do. Try not to have so much pressure on yourself to have everything perfect now. I know things aren't happening the way you had planned, but try to adjust to that and don't be so hard on yourself. As you get more help and support, your sense of yourself will improve and you will feel more able to do all the things that you are wanting to do.
Take care of yourself, and I hope your actual birthday went okay.
xx
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