So, I've been tapering off my Zoloft as I am running out and have not been able to find a new doc yet. Well, the other day a gal I know told me that a clinic in a little town about 15 min drive from here is accepting new patients. I don't
want a new doc as I don't want to involve anyone else in any of this. I don't want to have to go into all this **** with someone new. I don't want to feel humiliated yet again... but, after having a headache all day yesterda (one of the withdrawal affects I experienced last time) i decided to make the call and see about getting an appointment.
So, I made the call and was informed that they do have one doc who is taking new patients but that I would need to have my medical chart sent so he could look at it. Now, it makes perfect sense to me, that he should want to look at it first, however... my immediate reaction was a tightning in my throaght and the thought that, what if he doesn't want me? Now, what I
ment was what if he doesn't want to have to deal with me and all my drama... but, either way, it still causes my throat to tighten and... I don't know.
It's just that, as much as I don't want a new doc, as much as I hate the thought of having to go into it one more time (I really am tired of feeling humiliated and ashamed), the fact of the matter is that I
need to find someone. I'm down to 100 mg from 200 mg and am already starting to feel like this tapering off until I'm totally off it is not such a good idea... I actually cried in front of my friend (who used to be my cqampus minister and is technically one of the pastors at my church but is first and foremost a friend) the other day, something I never do... as a matter of fact, I cried
on him when he hugged me goodbye
.
I'm such a f**ked up mess... sorry all.