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Fakesmile · 14-02-2009, 07:15 AM

so in less than 23 hours it will be my birthday. normally i can deal with my birthday. it doesn't get me excited but i don't get really depressed either. it's just another day. but this year it's hitting really hard for some reason. well i guess for a couple reasons. first it's my last birthday in my 20's. i'll be 29. and that is so depressing on so many levels. mainly, it's that i am nowhere for being 29. things were supposed to be so different. i was supposed to graduate from college at 22 and get a good job that i loved. i was also supposed to find a man and be married by now. possibly even pregnant. i guess what i want is my mom's life. she graduated from college at 22, married my dad right after, got an awesome job with a great school district and had her first child at 29. she had her life together and was settled with a family by now. and then there's me.

i had to take an extra year to graduate from college so i didn't graduate until i was 23. i had two teaching jobs over 4 years and both of them sucked and had to leave them. and now am trying to get disability because i ended up in the hospital so much that i couldnt possibly work right now. plus the fact that i don't think i want to be a teacher anymore anyway, as im no good at it. and of course, ive had 2 boyfriends in 11 years, 3 total. its just things were supposed to be so different. i should at least be living on my own. i HATE this! im 29! this is not where i should be! even my sister who is 26 and an alcoholic is living on her own. barely but still. i don't get it. why can't i do it? what is wrong with me? all i want is to have a good career and be on my own. now i have no career and am living with my parents. i just am such a failure and a loser! i hate myself so much! i just want to be a normal 29 year old adult. but apparantly that's too much to ask for.

anyway, sorry. i guess this birthday is just reminding me where i am and it's getting me down. thanks to those who read this.

14-02-2009, 07:15 AM	#1
Fakesmile Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Liverpool, NY I am currently:	Dreading my birthday so in less than 23 hours it will be my birthday. normally i can deal with my birthday. it doesn't get me excited but i don't get really depressed either. it's just another day. but this year it's hitting really hard for some reason. well i guess for a couple reasons. first it's my last birthday in my 20's. i'll be 29. and that is so depressing on so many levels. mainly, it's that i am nowhere for being 29. things were supposed to be so different. i was supposed to graduate from college at 22 and get a good job that i loved. i was also supposed to find a man and be married by now. possibly even pregnant. i guess what i want is my mom's life. she graduated from college at 22, married my dad right after, got an awesome job with a great school district and had her first child at 29. she had her life together and was settled with a family by now. and then there's me. i had to take an extra year to graduate from college so i didn't graduate until i was 23. i had two teaching jobs over 4 years and both of them sucked and had to leave them. and now am trying to get disability because i ended up in the hospital so much that i couldnt possibly work right now. plus the fact that i don't think i want to be a teacher anymore anyway, as im no good at it. and of course, ive had 2 boyfriends in 11 years, 3 total. its just things were supposed to be so different. i should at least be living on my own. i HATE this! im 29! this is not where i should be! even my sister who is 26 and an alcoholic is living on her own. barely but still. i don't get it. why can't i do it? what is wrong with me? all i want is to have a good career and be on my own. now i have no career and am living with my parents. i just am such a failure and a loser! i hate myself so much! i just want to be a normal 29 year old adult. but apparantly that's too much to ask for. anyway, sorry. i guess this birthday is just reminding me where i am and it's getting me down. thanks to those who read this.
	"i find if kind of funny i find it kind of sad the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take" "when your savings is dry and you can't stop from crying you got to suck it up"