Something that is big in DBT (a kind of therapy) is holding onto opposing beliefs in your head. I understand that you don't want to forgive something that was awful and had a huge impact (especially when it doesn't seem like the offender has taken steps to acknowledge what they did and try to repent). But, you also don't want to be stuck in anger and negativity and unable to move on or see anything but the horrible stuff, or feel anything but anger.
So I feel like the 'DBT' answer would be to try to hold on to both ideas-- that these people did rotten, unforgiveable, damaging stuff, *and* that it's best for you to let go of the negative emotions and focus on moving on.
Does that make any sense at all?
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