I don't feel like I deserve to be anyone's priority, or feel taht important in anyone's lives. That's because I have always been told I'm wrong, always. I've never done anything right according to those I thought loved me.. Including you. I hate saying taht, but it's oh so true and I can't help but feel that way.
All I ask is that for once I can take some time out for me, to help me, yes you want to be helped, but Connor, I can't do that for you anymore.. I've helped you by calling this break and.. And you are the one that needs to put the work in to help yourself, just like I did all those times you called a break.
I knwo it's not easy, I've been there, done taht and got the scars to prove it, but you'll get there..
Today's not been great at all for me, I've almost cried in college already.. I'm seriously going to lose it at some point. If I didn't have people supporting me, I would have lost it by now and I'm gettign way too close to that overdose.. I have money, the tool to be able to do it and it's all very tempting, but I know that it'll just f*ck things up even more, but then again I just think.. At least they'll be rid of me, the thing making everyone's lives a misery.
I still haven't given up, but I feel like I should just give up now because I see no way in hell of being able to move on from my past.. Not with the way things are at the moment :(
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