My mood has definitely tanked. In some ways I would much rather just sit in the darkness in my room and attempt to cry myself to sleep. Or to cut or .... something else. I don't want to do that to my housemates though. Mind you, I'm getting to the point where I don't think I'm going to have much choice in the matter.
I got pulled over by a cop tonight ... I have a crack in the windscreen of my car which I have been trying to get fixed for a few weeks and haven't been able to, partly due to funds and partly due to the availability of people to do the job. He also chided me for not wearing a seatbelt properly. I usually drive with the seatbelt under my arm instead of over my shoulder, for the simple reason that if I drive (or sit in the car) with the seatbelt over my shoulder I begin to choke. To the extent that I start having to fight for breath.
That was the final straw for the mood, even though he let me off with a caution/warning. Now I just want to start hurting myself. I really don't want to wake up tomorrow morning. I'm going to have to spend all my money on paying for a new windscreen ... and then my female parental unit is going to crack the shits because I won't have a few spare hundred dollars to pay her.
I just want to cry.
