Thank-you for reaching out to me.
It's been another 'one of those days' today. Again.
I rang the samaritans having walked around town because the urge to hurt overwhelmed me. Scarily overwhelmed me. Ariel shrieking at me to kill and kill now. When I rang the person kept going on about phoning the police. How if I told and asked for help ti would be given. When I said it didn't work like that - it's a lie, a myth that a person can be helped in that situation he didn't believe me. When I said about being refused hospitalisation because of being so unsafe to be around he wanted to know why it was okay for patients to be safe but not other people (e.g. him). We chatted for quite a long time. It wasn't too bad. I ended up leaving when he got insistent about police and began telling me to kill myself (that might have been Ariel though I can't always tell anymore).
I had two hours sleep.
I went to see the nurse having worsened my wound and she freaked out about stuff too. The location. What was happening to me. Booked me in to see a dr there and then because it was the third appointment in 8 days I had. The dressing is impossible for me to remove
.
I went to a church and upset people there.
I trail misery around like it's a dog on a lead.
I txted my friend this morning telling her to stay away because of me being so bad and being afraid I would trigger/upset her and she too was awake and said not to worry which like the messages here led me to
for ages.
I sent an email to my old cpn and regret doing so. I shouldn't use computers when like this. Emailing, PMing people. It's so unfair. I just can't take it and end up taking it out on them and it isn't fair. I basically said congratulations on being free of rubbish and having time for proper people again and who I had been dumped on.