Hey,
Not sure I have any words but wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.
As Hannah and Romp said please try and keep going, there are people who think a great deal of you.
This may be slightly aside but when I read what your doc said it reminded me of what my psychotherapist said to me when I was very ill, they said that often we get an idealistic idea of what 'happy' people feel and it is not obtainable, things like TV give us a false idea of life when in reality life is not like that. Not sure if it helps.
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