I don't know whether I want to cry or scream right at the moment. I really just want to die. I don't think that I can handle this anymore.
I was going to tell my pdoc when I saw him on Tuesday how close I had been to hanging myself over the last few weeks ... but after his reaction to the other I just couldn't do it. Now i'm so intensely triggered to just go and do it. I'm struggling to see a reason to keep going at all
I always swore I wouldn't kill myself until I was skinny and beautiful so that noone would be embarrassed about my fat arse while having to undertake any of the burial undertakings. Now I'm close to forgetting about that altogether and just trying to follow through. I know that I would quickly be forgotten about by the people irl.
I just don't want to hurt anymore.
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