|
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity"
Edgar Allen Poe....
I finally get that quote...
I've been getting so many mood swings. On an average... 3-5 a day? Major ones, that means happy happy joy joy to suicidal. This started a month ago. Yesterday I had twelve. That means I had one every hour I was awake. My meds are NOT working anymore apperantly... Scariest part is when I do have those few moments when I am "mellow" I start worring I'll switch spectrums dramatically again. So everytime I am in a more level mood I'm struct by paranoia that It'll happen again. And when I get paranoid worse things happen. Like, seeing and hearing things. One of the hardest things is, though... when my mood swings are so close together, I can't even feel them coming on. You know how if you're real happy then you just get this dreadful feeling and then it starts coming over you? It usually takes like.. five minutes for me to totally sink. Now it's like a fast ball. Same with the manic. Worse is when you get "manic-depressive". At least that's what I call it. When you're like.... so upset that you start laughing at horrible things and start making jokes at your own death, but are serious about it. Anyone relate?
|