[BoundNoMore]

Yesterday morning I did a dumb thing... I texted my girlfriend, Shelby, "How do you see me... as just a friend... or actually a GF?"
I asked her because we never do anything that I imagine girlfriends would do (holding hands, kissing, etc)... and yesterday evening she texted
me, "to answer your question... just a friend... is that ok?"

I swear I must have sobbed uncontrollably for 2 straight hours after she told me. She was not only my girlfriend, but my best (and only) friend.
And now I feel like I lost not only my first girlfriend, but I feel like I lost my best friend also, because I am afraid that from now on, everytime
I see her I will think of what could have been and what I really want, but can never have... a relationship with her.

Ugh... I feel like it is stupid to be so upset. After all, I asked her. I knew there was a possibility I may not like the answer. *cries*
I would have been better off not asking her and having things stay the way they were. Us being good friends and me thinking that
she liked me too.

But technically, I don't know if we were really ever "girlfriends" in the first place, because like I said, we never kissed or anything.
We have kissed like once since we... well since I thought we became girlfriends. Other than that, it was just a occasional peck
on the lips.

*sobs* I am so... hurt, angry, confused... ugh... I don't know what I am. I got very little if any sleep last night, because I was so upset.
And when I did sleep, it was because I cried myself to sleep. Today, I am not feeling much better. I have yet to actually cry,
but I feel like I could just collapse into a fetal position and start bawling my eyes at any moment. My heart aches because I am in so much emotional pain.