I'm sorry you had such a bad experience last time.
My psychiatrist, cpn and GP have never forced me to show them my cuts/scars (although my cpn has seen them at times when he has to visit me in hospital on the medical wards). I think it is the norm for them to ask occasionally but it is not acceptable for them to force you or make you feel uncomfortable about it. I'm not sure if it is different for those under age re showing them but even if you do, they shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable about it.
Despite me having some novel ways of self harming at times, neither have they made me feel judged for them. My old gp did at times and my psych/cpn suggested to me that I change which I have done.
It sounds like you have some realistic and achievable goals and a good psychologist should be able to help you with them.
I'm waiting to hear from the psychotherapy services out of my area and have been waiting for a little while. It's usual for there to be an assessment appointment first from what I have been told. You should be able to explain what it is you would like re support and goals at that appointment and they should then tailor your support on the basis of that and other things they ask you.
Psychological therapies are really the definitive treatment for such problems and you should give it a go.
I hope it goes well!
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