hey,,
firstly *hugs*, sounds like you have so much going on for you atm, its not surprising youre drained.
Is there one person you feel you could handle seeing? Like I know Im not really good at letting people in, but sometimes I can handle like, having a friend round for an afternoon and watching a film... maybe start of with socialising in a very small group and somewhere you are comfortable like home, rather than pushing yourself to go out etc. It might help ease you back in.
I know what its like when a counsellor you trust lets you down. But if you are not ready yet, thats ok. Just have counselling as an idea when you do feel ready. And maybe you could ask them about confidentiallity, and tell them you find it an issue, due to past experiences, so you know where you stand from the outset?
Have you tried doing something relaxing for yourself before bed? Maybe read a book, have a warm bath... It might help to take your mind off everything and make you sleepy, so when you get into bed you don't find yourself crying yourself to sleep?
I really hope things look up for you. I can relate to a lot of what you have written, and Im sorry you feel so bad.
Try and look after you.
Sian xxx
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