I believe though the things in my life that contribute the most to my cutting is my mom and my family. I know I can't help her but I can't just sit back and watch her kill herself. One I would have to go through all the crap I did loosing my dad and two if I loose her I would pretty much be homeless. I don't have anyone out there I can go to to live and talk to. Everyone I have ever known has grown to dislike me when they figured out about my cutting. I can't just sit back and let her kill herself.
I can't go to another counceler because I would have to specify why to my family... who don't consider me really as part of the family now that my dad is gone. They got me counceling merely because they really had no choice. Also since they really don't see the severity of the situation they wouldn't understand and right me off as an attention seeking teen. I have searched all ways that I have heard of for help but non are ever annonomous enough that wouldn't cause things to get worse. I am 16 so I have to tell my counceler what little I can.
All the times that I have stopped cutting it was for a short amount if time. Something always happens like my boyfriend leaving me or my mom wrecking the car while drunk that causes me to step one step backward more than I was to begain with.
Sometimes I just wish I was 18 so I could get away and get help... But I can't.
Though today she isn't as drunk as she normally is but she is at a bar as I type. I know shell be horriable tonight but I am hopeing she won't. I haven't cut yet, I hope I won't, but the erge is in the back of my mind. I just wish there was some way I could fast forward the time to let myself know thing will be alright.
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