Christ, I know that feeling too... One day, though, you WILL part with them. One day you'll be able to hold them in your hands without feeling that urge. Don't worry about not being there yet coz this is a slow process. No one can recover overnight, but you can get there, step by step. Remember, stopping isn't just about being able to throw away your tools. My teacher (and councillor) said to me just before Christmas "the day when you can bounce in here and tell me you cut yourself will be a huge leap in the right direction". See, this sounds horribly contradictory, but the point is, you will become happy with yourself. Does cutting really make you happy? Of course not! It lowers your self-esteem which makes you cut even more. Then you just get back into the huge spiral leading down to utter misery. I like the idea of flying free from the spiral, rising up and away. But the moment that you cut again is the moment you get back on that spiral. The thing is NOT TO GET STARTED AGAIN. It's FATAL to say to yourself "just a little one". Don't make that mistake, be strong. The longer you're strong, the better you'll feel about yourself.
Self harm is said to be linked to problems with problems of communicating feelings so don't worry about that being spectacularly unusual! I can understand that too... I still can't say a phrase like "I feel angry" or "I feel sad" even though I've been having help for over a year! It's hard, of course it is, but there are ways through. Can you write about your feelings? Explain everything that's going on inside? It's wonderful that you have someone to talk to =D Any chance of writing about your feelings to them It's hard for anyone to really help you unless they understand what's going on. You can't talk about your feelings now but you will one day. I know it's hard when you've got such complicated feelings all mixed up but writing it all down may help order and untangle it all.
GOOD - keep crying, Nikki =D let it all out!
Bets of luck,
Naomi
xx
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