[BeautifulMess]

Oh, Nikki, I know exactly what you're talking about... I was there and I know how hard that is but you CAN fight it and you CAN beat it.

You talk about hope and really I think that's the key. If you don't believe in yourself, if you don't WANT to stop, you're not ready. Do you want to stop, really? Because if you're half-hearted, then you'll end up disappointing yourself. You can do it, but you have to really want it. It's hard, of course it's hard, because you need to be strong, constantly. When you feel like giving up, giving in, you need someone to help you, to drive you onwards, to remind you why it's important NOT to give in. Your family? Your friends? Do they understand what you're going through? Don't forget us here on RYL, because everyone here will be only to willing to help you stay strong because we believe in you. You stuck it out for two weeks, that's a hell of an achievement. Be proud of yourself, believe in yourself. You've done it before, you CAN do it again.

Did that ranting help? Because sometimes just letting it all out can be the best release. Letting out the stress in words is better for your recovery than letting it out in blood. Talk to your friends, your family, tell them how much it's hurting you, tell someone on RYL. Let it all out of you. Try writing down how you feel without censoring, without holding anything back, let it go. Crying's another great release. Watch a sad movie, read a sad book that WILL make you cry then just get everything out of you, release that knot inside, burst that bubble of stress. Of course it wont be as good as cutting, nothing is, but every day tat goes by without you cutting will make you more confident in yourself. Not at first, but it will, eventually. For the first few weeks, months, it'll be terrible but if you stick it out, if you believe, it will be worth it.

I know it doesn't feel like recovery at first, I really do. I know that you still have those thoughts, those feelings, but they'll fade, they'll become easier to ignore. Maybe they'll disappear one day, maybe they wont, but in two years, three, when you realize how far you've come, the new, safer, healthier place you've reached, you'll see what you've achieved. I don't think there can be a 'cure' for self harm. I don't think you can ever be totally free, if so, I haven't got there yet, but I do think you can return to a safer, healthier way of life without those urges so huge in your heart.

Best of luck, Nikki,
Love,

Naomi
xx