[Mary Anne]

I am so scared of having to start everything all over again, I was finally where I wanted to me in my life (married, house, job, etc). Okay I still have my job and for now I still have my house (not sure I can afford it on my own) but I feel empty without my husband to share my life with.
I can't bear the thought of trying to meet someone else, I have so much emotional baggage I just don't imagine that there are many people out there who would be interested and then I have to like them too. The whole dating scene is not fun and I hate the idea of going there again. I loved coming home to someone, sharing my life with him and knowing he was there.
When I was growing up all I ever wanted was to find someone and live a quiet life (my childhood was miserable, a quiet life where nobody was nasty to me was enough) and I found someone who offered me more than that. Then he took it all away in the most horrible was possible.
I hate living alone, there is nobody to talk to (I could phone a friend or my mum but it talking and having a laugh about all the silly things I miss), I wake in the night and nobody is there, nobody to make me a coffee (he always made me a coffee before work), nobody to give me a cuddle when I feel down. I am just so miserable and can see no end to it.

sorry to go on, just needed to get it out.