[Duffer44]

Ok call me slow or what ever but today it's just hit home that in one week it will be christmas or as i refer to it as shitmas. My mood has just dropped all i want to do is drink and cut because it's come back with a bang all the memories all the years of hell and family losses the main one being my grandad. I can't cope with it anymore all the years i've carried this crap and i don't like it i don't want it. I either want to be dead or that pissed that it passes without me even noticing. Every going christmas isn't about presents it's family which i agree with but i can't turn to my family for a hug on that day i have all but disowned them have very little contact with them which hurts me as much as what they did. Family is meant to be there to help they are meant to be on my side but they never have or will be all i say is i cant wait for shitmas to pass.